Last week in a nutshell

I proctored the PSATs for my 13 students in a separate room.  I had four IEP annual reviews the next day, so I was working on writing one of them while they were taking the test.  I look up to see Dennis, who is usually a perfectly behaved gentleman in my class, standing next to his desk, in the middle of stripping.

Me: DENNIS. WHAT are you DOING?
Dennis:  *Stops before taking his shirt off, looking shocked, shrugs* What? It's hot in here.

*Later*
Denis:  Miss, I don't mean to disrespect, but Carolyn is flicking boogers at me.
Carolyn:  *Looks at me with a huge, guilty smile, with her fingers 2 inches away from her nose*  No I wasn't...

In the middle of perfect silence JT shouts out:  "I'M FRESH!" and then farts loudly.

*The next day*
Me: Carolyn, tell Mr. L (the counselor) what you were doing yesterday when you were supposed to be taking the PSAT
Carolyn:  I was picking my nose and throwing it at Dennis
Mr. L: Carolyn, you still do that? What did we talk about last year?

Me: Dennis, what got into you yesterday?
Dennis: I think I had too much candy.

Cristy: Miss, you need a boyfriend.
*Rest of class gets off topic and begins to brainstorm*

*After her IEP Review*
Carolyn: That  HAG made me feel like I was retarded (referring to my supervisor, who really was talking to her like she was two)

Me:  I'm very impressed with how silently Jay is working right now, he's the only one on-task
JT: YEAH that's because he has his headphones on!
Jay: Snitch!