It's 7:30am, I walk into my classroom with my two travel mugs of coffee--it was especially hard to wake up this morning. It's almost a half hour later than I usually get to work, and as always I become immediately flustered by all of the posters falling off the walls, the papers that are everywhere, and the desks that are arbitrarily strewn about the room. I wish, for the ten-thousandth time, that the teacher I share this tiny space with would help me keep our classroom clean. No matter how much time I spend organizing, it never lasts more than two days. I'm now remembering all those times I made a mess after my mom cleaned and she would say, "I can't wait until you have your own kids, then you will understand why this makes me so mad." In a funny way, these are my own kids. The only way I could love them more would be if I gave birth to them myself. Before I can even take my coat off I hear my phone ring: it's a text from Arnelle.
"I had a miscarriage, I lost the baby. I can't stop crying."
So, my girls are having babies, abortions, and now miscarriages. My boys are in gangs, watching their cousins get shot, spending their winter breaks "locked up," missing school for court dates. I try to remember my most traumatic high school moments. No matter what I come up with, it pales in comparison to what these kids are going through. I realize no matter how great of a relationship we have, I will never completely be able to understand where they are coming from. I've learned never to say, "I know how you feel," because really, how could I?
This was a wake up call for me. As frustrating as it is when my students have those days (or weeks, or months) where their grades and their education aren't priorities, I have to remember that it's not necessarily because they are lazy or they don't care. But every now and then they do need a gentle reminder that education might very well be their only chance to make safer, happier lives for themselves.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Maybe I should become a counselor?
Friday, first period:
Arnelle: "Miss, I have to tell you something later. Don't worry, it's good and bad."
Fourth period:
Arnelle: "This is really hard to say." *long pause* "I think I might be pregnant."
Me: "Well, what makes you think that?"
Arnelle: "I have all the symptoms. And I didn't use protection. And you know, I took a pregnancy test from the dollar store and it had two lines on it."
I have FIVE female students. This is the THIRD one that has been pregnant at some point this year!
Arnelle: "Miss, I have to tell you something later. Don't worry, it's good and bad."
Fourth period:
Arnelle: "This is really hard to say." *long pause* "I think I might be pregnant."
Me: "Well, what makes you think that?"
Arnelle: "I have all the symptoms. And I didn't use protection. And you know, I took a pregnancy test from the dollar store and it had two lines on it."
I have FIVE female students. This is the THIRD one that has been pregnant at some point this year!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Whirlwind
The past few days were a whirlwind! This is the first chance I've had to catch my breath since Monday. The week definitely had it's ups and downs, but either way I am looking forward to 5pm tomorrow (If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that 95% of the business that bars get between 5 and 9 on Fridays is from stressed out teachers).
On Tuesday, my 7th period was an emotional wreck. It's funny, because now that we're in a new semester, my 7th period is mostly made up of my old 2nd period students, and yet 7th period is still crazy. It must be because it's the period after lunch, so maybe it's not (entirely) me after all. Cristy came in crying, because her boyfriend broke up with her. Dennis and Jon came in looking like they were going to cry, put their heads down, and refused to do anything (I found out later that Dennis' cousin died, and Jon's girlfriend interrupted class to tell me that they got into a fight and that's why he wasn't doing any work). Amy came in freaking out because one of my 3rd period students punched her in the face in gym. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Arnelle rolling down her sleeves and caught a glimpse of a hideous bruise on her arm, which I immediately told her I'd discuss with her later. Sweet, quiet, focused Steve decided to morph into JT in his craziest form (which I like to describe as being similar to a severely ADHD person with tourrettes having a seizure), saying "diablo" over in over at the top of his lungs, while JT followed along saying a different Spanish word over and over (which Amy told me later was the Spanish word for "vagina.")
Needless to say, it wasn't the most productive period. I made them all finish their Algebra test from earlier in the day, which didn't take more than 15 minutes, and the rest of the period we sat in a circle and talked, watched old morning announcement videos, and drew on the chalkboard. It was like one big therapy session.
Yesterday I took four girls (who are not my students, but who I've bonded with while co-teaching their Algebra class) on a field trip to Pearl Paint on Canal street after work before grad school. They were like kids in a candy store, it reminded me of the first time my Uncle took me there when I was their age, and I realized it was five floors filled with every kind of art supply you could imagine! I missed the staff meeting while I was gone, but Pedro was voted student of the month!
Today I had four IEP Annual Review conference, for Pedro, Jay, Monique, and Steve. I was really impressed with Jay, who is not my most mature student, because although these meetings are incredibly awkward, and although he has told me that he doesn't want to have an IEP or Resource anymore, he handled his meeting the most seriously out of any student I've seen yet. He articulated everything he struggles with and decided, on his own, that he did want to keep his IEP and even add to his testing accommodations, and talked about how the behavior contract for the baseball team is really helping him stay motivated. He really, truly ADVOCATED for himself, and I've never been more proud!
On Tuesday, my 7th period was an emotional wreck. It's funny, because now that we're in a new semester, my 7th period is mostly made up of my old 2nd period students, and yet 7th period is still crazy. It must be because it's the period after lunch, so maybe it's not (entirely) me after all. Cristy came in crying, because her boyfriend broke up with her. Dennis and Jon came in looking like they were going to cry, put their heads down, and refused to do anything (I found out later that Dennis' cousin died, and Jon's girlfriend interrupted class to tell me that they got into a fight and that's why he wasn't doing any work). Amy came in freaking out because one of my 3rd period students punched her in the face in gym. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Arnelle rolling down her sleeves and caught a glimpse of a hideous bruise on her arm, which I immediately told her I'd discuss with her later. Sweet, quiet, focused Steve decided to morph into JT in his craziest form (which I like to describe as being similar to a severely ADHD person with tourrettes having a seizure), saying "diablo" over in over at the top of his lungs, while JT followed along saying a different Spanish word over and over (which Amy told me later was the Spanish word for "vagina.")
Needless to say, it wasn't the most productive period. I made them all finish their Algebra test from earlier in the day, which didn't take more than 15 minutes, and the rest of the period we sat in a circle and talked, watched old morning announcement videos, and drew on the chalkboard. It was like one big therapy session.
Yesterday I took four girls (who are not my students, but who I've bonded with while co-teaching their Algebra class) on a field trip to Pearl Paint on Canal street after work before grad school. They were like kids in a candy store, it reminded me of the first time my Uncle took me there when I was their age, and I realized it was five floors filled with every kind of art supply you could imagine! I missed the staff meeting while I was gone, but Pedro was voted student of the month!
Today I had four IEP Annual Review conference, for Pedro, Jay, Monique, and Steve. I was really impressed with Jay, who is not my most mature student, because although these meetings are incredibly awkward, and although he has told me that he doesn't want to have an IEP or Resource anymore, he handled his meeting the most seriously out of any student I've seen yet. He articulated everything he struggles with and decided, on his own, that he did want to keep his IEP and even add to his testing accommodations, and talked about how the behavior contract for the baseball team is really helping him stay motivated. He really, truly ADVOCATED for himself, and I've never been more proud!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
CELEBRATING!
I finally got my hands on my students' official report cards today. The way our school works, quarter one and quarter two grades need to average to at least a 70 in order to be considered "passing" for the semester. If they don't pass for the semester, they don't get the credit and have to make it up either in summer school or take that semester of the class again next year.
Out of my ten students that actually come to school more than once a month, FIVE OF THEM PASSED. I went and searched them out throughout the day to tell them.
Pedro, who has been working SO HARD the past two months, was like "Yeah Miss, I KNEW THAT. I'm nice!"
JT's eyes popped out of his head, he asked me if I was sure about 100 times before he jumped up and down, hugged me, and proceeded to run down the hall screaming "I'm HYPE!" repeatedly. (Sometimes I joke with him that he might have tourrettes, although it's really nothing to joke about, but whenever he starts saying something he says it over and over like a broken record until someone snaps him out of his trance!)
Dasean came into my room to ask for a pencil, and as soon as I saw him I was jumping up and down telling him over and over that he passed all of his classes until he realized what I was saying, and he begged me to call his mom immediately (he is over 6ft tall and acts like he's really tough, but he has a real sensitive side and is definitely a mama's boy).
I had texted Allie's mom as soon as I found out, and her mother must have texted her while she was in class, because five minutes later Allie burst through my door shrieking at the top of her lungs, hugged me, and ran back out of the room still screaming.
I pulled Monique out of Global, the one class she wasn't sure if she passed. I asked her if Mr. V told her her Global grade, and she said no. When I told her she passed, she looked at me and said, "Miss, don't look at me, I'm gonna cry!"
The amazing thing about Monique, who is such a sweetheart (and I tell her an unnecessary amount of times a day how wonderful she is), is that she struggles, but she never complains and works at this slow and steady pace, and is always gradually getting better. My co-teacher and I call her the Little Engine that Could. Monique's mother told me today the story behind her "TBI" classification (traumatic brain injury). When she was in 7th grade, she was hospitalized with "water on the brain," for several months. She almost died, and when she did get out of the hospital she couldn't speak, walk, or remember who anyone was. It's such a miracle to see where she is today, you would have never guessed she had anything more than a slight processing issue!
Out of my ten students that actually come to school more than once a month, FIVE OF THEM PASSED. I went and searched them out throughout the day to tell them.
Pedro, who has been working SO HARD the past two months, was like "Yeah Miss, I KNEW THAT. I'm nice!"
JT's eyes popped out of his head, he asked me if I was sure about 100 times before he jumped up and down, hugged me, and proceeded to run down the hall screaming "I'm HYPE!" repeatedly. (Sometimes I joke with him that he might have tourrettes, although it's really nothing to joke about, but whenever he starts saying something he says it over and over like a broken record until someone snaps him out of his trance!)
Dasean came into my room to ask for a pencil, and as soon as I saw him I was jumping up and down telling him over and over that he passed all of his classes until he realized what I was saying, and he begged me to call his mom immediately (he is over 6ft tall and acts like he's really tough, but he has a real sensitive side and is definitely a mama's boy).
I had texted Allie's mom as soon as I found out, and her mother must have texted her while she was in class, because five minutes later Allie burst through my door shrieking at the top of her lungs, hugged me, and ran back out of the room still screaming.
I pulled Monique out of Global, the one class she wasn't sure if she passed. I asked her if Mr. V told her her Global grade, and she said no. When I told her she passed, she looked at me and said, "Miss, don't look at me, I'm gonna cry!"
The amazing thing about Monique, who is such a sweetheart (and I tell her an unnecessary amount of times a day how wonderful she is), is that she struggles, but she never complains and works at this slow and steady pace, and is always gradually getting better. My co-teacher and I call her the Little Engine that Could. Monique's mother told me today the story behind her "TBI" classification (traumatic brain injury). When she was in 7th grade, she was hospitalized with "water on the brain," for several months. She almost died, and when she did get out of the hospital she couldn't speak, walk, or remember who anyone was. It's such a miracle to see where she is today, you would have never guessed she had anything more than a slight processing issue!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I survived my first semester as a teacher!
When I meet someone and they ask me what I do, it still feels like I'm lying when I say "I'm a teacher." But it doesn't feel as strange to say as it felt a few months ago, and I feel like I'm starting to accept that this is my career. I went to college to be an art teacher, I accepted the TFA position hoping to be a second or third grade teacher, and I somehow got thrown into a tenth grade special education position that focuses mostly on algebra. Back in June, when I was first offered the job, I was terrified, and a little disappointed because it wasn't what I had wanted or planned, but I was just so relieved to have a job. Seven months later, I'm so thankful things didn't turn out the way I planned. I would have never known how challenging and rewarding it could be to teach sixteen and seventeen year olds with learning disabilities. I don't see them as different from any other teenager in the school, and although they have one more obstacle to face than all of the other students, I've seen my students work harder and earn better grades than many of the other students in the school. I have loved getting to know them as people and learning about their hopes and dreams, and I am so excited to help them work towards these goals over the next three years. It's going to be a long, difficult road, but I am so excited to guide them as they choose colleges, write them recommendation letters and watch them graduate and go off to college.
Semester two starts on Tuesday, and I'll have a few new students and new challenges for sure. I'm starting off the semester by diagnosing their reading levels, which I've recently realized are terrifyingly low, so my goal is to fit in more reading and writing skills with them in between all the Regents prep we will be doing for Algebra and Global!
Semester two starts on Tuesday, and I'll have a few new students and new challenges for sure. I'm starting off the semester by diagnosing their reading levels, which I've recently realized are terrifyingly low, so my goal is to fit in more reading and writing skills with them in between all the Regents prep we will be doing for Algebra and Global!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Silence
The last time I updated was that really really horrible day last week, that left me crying by myself in my classroom during my prep period.
The next day, I was a drill sergeant. I was waiting outside my door before the bell rang for 7th period to start. I refused to let my students in until they were ready to enter silently, and when they did they were greeted with the desks in neat rows, instead of the usual, friendly semi-circle arrangement. I told them right away that I was in no mood to hear a single one of their voices, and that no one was allowed to talk today. They were to spend the period doing their work silently, and if they had a question they had to raise their hand and I would help them. A few of them tried to object or to explain their actions, but I cut them off before they could even get a whole word out.
They worked silently for the rest of the period, and when there were only two minutes left, I stopped scowling and said, "So what is everyone doing for their 3-day weekend?" They looked at me in shock, not sure if they should answer, and when the bell rang JT shouted out "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." and they all apologized at the same time!
I talked to my principal about it, because I was being pretty hard on myself that I had let a class of only 8 students get so out of control. But she told me that I everything I did the next day was the right thing to do (down to the subtle message I sent by putting the desks in rows), and the fact that they responded in such a way (and apologized) shows that I actually do have a good control over them, and that the do respect me. Otherwise, they would have come in and continued to act the same way without remorse.
By the way, Carolyn had her baby this morning! A girl!
The next day, I was a drill sergeant. I was waiting outside my door before the bell rang for 7th period to start. I refused to let my students in until they were ready to enter silently, and when they did they were greeted with the desks in neat rows, instead of the usual, friendly semi-circle arrangement. I told them right away that I was in no mood to hear a single one of their voices, and that no one was allowed to talk today. They were to spend the period doing their work silently, and if they had a question they had to raise their hand and I would help them. A few of them tried to object or to explain their actions, but I cut them off before they could even get a whole word out.
They worked silently for the rest of the period, and when there were only two minutes left, I stopped scowling and said, "So what is everyone doing for their 3-day weekend?" They looked at me in shock, not sure if they should answer, and when the bell rang JT shouted out "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." and they all apologized at the same time!
I talked to my principal about it, because I was being pretty hard on myself that I had let a class of only 8 students get so out of control. But she told me that I everything I did the next day was the right thing to do (down to the subtle message I sent by putting the desks in rows), and the fact that they responded in such a way (and apologized) shows that I actually do have a good control over them, and that the do respect me. Otherwise, they would have come in and continued to act the same way without remorse.
By the way, Carolyn had her baby this morning! A girl!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dreaded 7th Period
My seventh period was really horrible, mean, and disrespectful to me today. No teaching or learning or anything productive occurred in that class. It was really disappointing because I was on such a high after Tuesday...my co-teacher and I had our best co-taught lesson of the whole year, where I got to bring a lot of art into the geometry unit and our rough 5th period was actually having fun and learning. Then yesterday we had a snow day, so today was bound to go downhill from there, I guess.
One of my students is now going around telling everyone "we made Ms. C cry," even though I actually didn't cry until way after they left. 15 year olds can be such jerks when they want to be. I understand that they are stressed because finals are coming up, but today was ridiculous. I felt especially lucky today to have such a supportive staff, because instead of sitting in my room crying by myself, I had four different teachers to go to that made me feel better. My co teacher even suggested I write them a letter, so I did, but I'm a little nervous about how that is going to go. This is the first time since I met my students that I am not going to be happy to see them tomorrow.
One of my students is now going around telling everyone "we made Ms. C cry," even though I actually didn't cry until way after they left. 15 year olds can be such jerks when they want to be. I understand that they are stressed because finals are coming up, but today was ridiculous. I felt especially lucky today to have such a supportive staff, because instead of sitting in my room crying by myself, I had four different teachers to go to that made me feel better. My co teacher even suggested I write them a letter, so I did, but I'm a little nervous about how that is going to go. This is the first time since I met my students that I am not going to be happy to see them tomorrow.
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